Doing me – Hat trick much? (Do) Good things come in Threes?
Hi, it’s just passed week 3, and Prava is still here!
As any (food) addict in recovery, there are days, even weeks and even months that run into complexities that is often mind-boggling. This past week has been just that – But, I survived, with every bit of will power that I possessed, much like a woman possessed perhaps?
This blog post is a mish-mash of my ramblings, more so a mish-mash of my emotions, and the happenings that framed my past week. As an addict recovering from any addiction, the emotions that haunt these addictions often play havoc with progress, often causing so much self-doubt, that you’d think, “what the heck, taking a few hours out of recovery won’t harm any progress, will it? I’m only human, aren’t I, and that famous saying To err is human” starts playing in your head…then you take to social media saying “sorry, not sorry, I had a glass of Coca-Cola today, but whatever, tomorrow is another day” seeking affirmation from anyone that will pay you attention, that you are indeed only human, and that tomorrow is another day…but what if tomorrow becomes a week of a glass of Coca-Cola and then some more? Right? Right…
Last week I had a “fat week”, a week of feeling fat for no reason. It started on the Sunday night. I just felt fat – I’m not sure where that came from, but I avoided the spare bathroom that houses the scale, my favourite bathroom, as it’s small and compact and cozy and makes me feel comfortable in it. Considering that the scale was smiling at me the previous week, I just didn’t want to go anywhere near it. Perhaps this was a portent of my week to come, that I would take a “leave of absence” from my planned 30 day clean(er) eating programme?
Then Monday happened, and a series of events that spelt the end of my current commitment to me, or did it end? I had an unfortunate, what I call ankle sprain early Monday morning at my desk, where my foot fell asleep and tried to walk on it, resulting in a twist then a cracking sound – boy was it sore! Immediate swelling and bruising, that resulted in so much trauma! I self-medicated and treated, masking terror of going to the emergency room as I feared the outcome of what the diagnosis would be – exactly one week later, same self-treating, I sit with this injury that was enough to stop any interest in healthy cooking and eating. Did I backslide on project Doing Me?
Wednesday night brought a critical turn of events in my life, yet again. Around 10.30pm we received news that the extended family Matriarch in the eldest sister of my dear (late) Mum, had passed away, aged 85. This was soul-destroying and fast on the back of losing two uncles just months apart. Her and mum’s younger brother passed away in March this year, and my late Dad’s brother passed away in September. These three losses are huge for our family that seems to be growing smaller in the recent past. This special aunt was Queen of Aunts, in stature, in heart and in all her caring and contributions in raising me while my mum worked. It was a devastating to say the least. That I am 600-odd kilometres away from my family, even more so. Past midnight, sitting with a cup of black coffee and discussing by-gone days with Head Chef made me crave food! I feel asleep thinking food, and woke up Thursday morning, with a worked-up appetite to eat anything and everything that I could fit into my mouth and body. Did I indulge this want?
This past weekend, yesterday to be precise, early Sunday morning, I cooked the family my version of a traditional Sunday meal in a Lamb Biryani. (see link for recipe) Cooked with so much love, after an early wake up and shower, with only the choicest of lamb leg, and a delicious blend of traditional spices, potatoes and rice, it was enough to have me eating out of the pot immediately after it was cooked, but Did I?
Last year I started two projects, or rather inspired one and started one, which got off to a resounding success for me and an even greater success for my son. The first was #project 18, which was a start up project for our 16-year-old in anticipation of obtaining his driver’s license at age 18. We purchased a running shell of a 20+ something in a car for him to work on during weekends. This worked out so well for him, he worked on the car on holidays and weekends, and re-sold it at a resounding profit earlier this year and set the funds aside for his first car once he turns 18 in 2019. The second project was my personal project in turning 50 and wanting to shed the extra weight that I was carrying. #project50 / #projectme got off to a resounding success but filtered off this time last year…and it has bothered me that I fell off the wagon, albeit, turning 50 this year, I was still just 35kgs or so lighter than pre-2013. I suppose I just wasn’t quite ready to give it more than the 100% mental and physical commitment that was required of me….for being human reasons of course – life does indeed happen.
So fast forward to 1 October 2018, 21 days ago I made another commitment to me, in Doing Me for me, or #project me. Another project you might say, but for me it’s a biggie. Did I survive these past 21 days? Yes, I did! How did I do it you may ask? On faith and a prayer? Possibly so I think but more so, in that I believed that I can do this, and I’m glad to say I am doing it. How? See the feature picture on this blog post? My little black book that I started this project on? It’s also a little black book where I motivate me…a writing that I can do this, any which way I can, but I can endeavour to break the shackles of food addictions that bind me, one day at a time.
As I type this, it’s Monday morning, 10h30 and I haven’t eaten breakfast yet as I’m not hungry. I’ll probably be ravenous in about an hour or so and I’ll eat then. It goes against my principles of beginning the day early with a good start breakfast, but some days I listen to my body and if it doesn’t want food at a time, then it doesn’t want food at a time. It’s me, my body, different from yours and others. However, when I do eat my next meal, I will eat what I need to eat to meet the needs of my planned foodie commitment to myself.
The habit gurus say that it takes 21 days to break a habit and having just passed 21 days of my Whole 30 programme, have I broken my foodie addiction habits? Right now, I cannot say with resounding confidence that I have. I am trying though and that I survived 21 days does not mean that the habit has disappeared…it’s the will to keep at it and try to commit to changing the habit that keeps me going. Whatever it takes many say….sometimes whatever is just not there but I suppose we have to lean deep into our needs to find our own whatever, however long it takes….just never ever give up on ourselves!
Hoping to make it to day 30 (my next blog entry will be later next week) and remaining a food addict in recovery,
Aluta Continua…MY struggle continues.